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Etiquette for Cats Contributed by T.S. Bolton
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Write Your Own Haiku  My hunny had a little too much time on his hands...
Notable Quotes A bi-weekly compilation of the latest outrageous, sometimes humorous, quotes in the liberal media..
Technology for Country Folk

Jokes Doberman and the Chihuahua: Contributed by Donna Hall

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Missing Goat: Contributed by Donna Hall

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big hole. "Wow . . . that looks deep." "Sure does . . . toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is." They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait . . . no noise "Man. That is REALLY deep . . . here . . . throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait . . . and wait. Nothing. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey . . . over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise. The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished with what they've just seen . . . Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey . . . you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!" "Nah", say the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.

A farmer had about 200 hens, when his old rooster finally died. So, he went down the road to his neighboring farmer and asked if he had a rooster that he would be willing to sell. The other farmer said, "Yeah, I've got this neat rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every hen you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Kenny.

The farmer took Kenny home and set him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, "I want you to pace yourself now, Kenny, you've got a lot of hens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!- Kenny nailed every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer was really shocked. After that the farmer heard a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny was in there. Later, the farmer saw Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake.
Once again -WHAM! He got all the geese. By sunset he saw Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.

The farmer was distraught and worried that his expensive rooster wouldn't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer awoke the next morning only to find Kenny on his back, feet in the air, stone still in the middle of the yard, vultures circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shook his head and said, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself!"

Kenny opened one eye, nodded toward the buzzards circling in the sky and said, "Shhh, they're getting closer."
Contributed by T.S. Bolton

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